The verdict is in: This season’s “Ugliest House in America” has been crowned—our should we say “outed”?
“We traveled the country’s most beautiful locations, and found 15 ugly houses in paradise,” says comedian and host Retta. “Believe me, I endured the smells, danger, and the horror of it all.” From there, she explains, “15 houses dwindled down to five finalists.”
In the season finale “Perfect for Paradise,” we not only find out which house takes the title, we also get to see the winning home reap its reward: a $150,000 renovation from “Windy City Rehab” star Alison Victoria.
Without much ado, Retta and Victoria quickly announce that the winner is what they’re calling the “House With No Privacy” in Palm City, FL.
It doesn’t look too bad on the outside, but on the inside, this octagonal-shaped house has walls that don’t go up to the ceiling, and there are no doors on the bedrooms, making privacy impossible. It’s also crammed to the rafters with beachy accessories.
Victoria can’t wait to get her hands on it, saying, “I am so ready to do this! To make something beautiful that was once so ugly, and to work with Retta.”
As she deletes the ugliest features in the ugliest house in America, you might want to examine your own living space and make sure you don’t have the same offensive features.
An overdone theme
We get it: The house is close to the beach. But owners Jeff and Tami have outdone themselves reminding everyone of this, by putting beachy tchotchkes on every surface and every wall, so that seashells, crabs, anchors, ships, canoes, flip flops, painted paddles, etc., are literally everywhere.
It’s “beach decor galore,” says Retta. Victoria agrees and gets rid of most of it, but retains a few of the more tasteful pieces to be used later.
Almost every wall in the house is covered with “pecky cypress” paneling, which has holes that look like worms have eaten through it. “I’ve never heard of pecky cypress before,” says Victoria. “It’s obviously not a Chicago thing. It’s ugly.”
She discovers the holes are created by tree fungus that’s extremely rare.
New paneling costs $23 per square foot, and there are a whopping 1,500 panels of pecky cypress in this beach house. Victoria saves several panels as souvenirs, and ends up having a round dining table made of them. We’re not sure we would want to eat off fungus-infested wood, but we’re sure the carpenter sealed it—well, almost sure.
Curtains instead of doors
One of the reasons they call this “The House With No Privacy” is because there are very few interior doors. Most of the rooms, including a bathroom and the primary bedroom, have curtains hanging where doors should obviously be.
“This is the worst layout ever!” says Victoria as she has the workers get busy framing out doors to create the privacy the family members so desperately need.
Crazily crammed kitchen
The kitchen is little more than a nook in the corner, and it’s packed to the rafters with cooking accouterments.
There’s plenty of room to expand, so expand Victoria does. And since the owners like color, she throws in green—yes, green—appliances.
Retta is dubious, but Victoria says they tie in with the greenery you see through the windows. Plus, she doesn’t go overboard with the kitchen design.
“I really feel like beautiful, subtle countertops are going to help tie everything together with the bold tones that I’ve got in the rest of the space,” Victoria says.
It turns out to be one of her best kitchen redesigns yet.
The landscaping around the house pretty much consists of grass and scraggly plants. The only colorful feature is the aqua blue house.
Victoria has the house painted white, the trim painted black, and then adds colorful tropical plants, such as bright pink bougainvilleas.
“They stand out against the white,” she says.
How does the ugliest house in American turn out?
After Victoria has had her way with this house and shows the owners the results, she says, “You are now truly the most beautiful house in the neighborhood—and that’s just on the outside.”
Once they venture inside, they agree.
“I always thought this home had potential, but I never thought they could make it like something out of a magazine,” Tami says. “We feel so blessed. We could never have had the vision to actually see it to fruition. It’s absolutely breathtaking.”