Christmas trees are like snowflakes: Seems like no two are ever the same. An all-red design with scarlet lights and ruffled bows may be your jam, while other households pile on homemade popcorn-and-cranberry garlands, plus the macaroni wreaths the kids made in school.
Frankly, there aren’t a lot of rules for the Christmas ornaments to put on your boughs, but let’s just say that some are so far out there, they could cause your tree to teeter. In case you’re curious, check out some of the oddest choices we’ve seen below.
1. Stick of butter
What is it with food ornaments, people? We’ve seen avocado halves, bananas, and even hot dogs wearing jaunty elf caps.
If it’s a special theme you’re working on, find a small tabletop tree and festoon it with a bunch of bacon and eggs and hamburgers, but for the main tree, leave the butter in the fridge ($22, Amazon).
2. Mangled Barbie
When your brother was 6 and ripped the limbs off of your Barbie, he had to sit in time out. So what should the punishment be for this tragic design? ($30, Etsy).
3. Naughty Santa
Just—no. BDSM Santa has no place at the holidays, especially since your parents are coming over later and they’ll never look at you the same way once they glimpse St. Nick’s rosy behind.
The good news? This pick is made from wood, so you can hang it up for 10 seconds, have a good laugh, and then pop it into the fireplace ($24, Etsy).
4. Grunge rockers
Truth: Dave Grohl may be working on his Jesus vibe, with his long locks and beard, but you can’t convince us that he belongs on display on your tree.
It’s nice you saw him in concert last year, but wear the T-shirt instead. ($15, Etsy).
5. Doll’s head
Why someone felt the need to pair dripping paint with a decapitated baby head is a mystery.
If you must own this piece, at least hide in the back of your tree, so as not to freak out the kids ($18, Etsy).
6. Scary pepper faces
Yeah, we get the idea here. Wicked hot ghost peppers are scary on the tongue, so crafting an ornament that’s literally screaming is a (sad) attempt at humor ($30, Etsy).
7. Big teeth
Are you a dentist? A mortician? Then no, a set of oversized chompers is not the most festive ornament to display on your balsam.
If anything, this bauble will prompt you to race to a mirror to check for spinach and coffee stains on your own front teeth.
8. Borat-style mankini
You want to look away, but like a car crash in slow motion, this man’s bikini bottom and neck holster is just too riveting to ignore.
Leave Borat and his wacky attire on your TV screen rather than on your Christmas tree this year.
This undersea dude is giving you the side eye—and not in a good way.
Nonetheless, if you’re a merman fan, there are loads of others you can add to your collection, including one in a green plaid kilt and another sitting in a rainbow unicorn pool toy ($37, Amazon).
I mean, it’s got glitter, and if you squint hard enough, this ornament might just look like a regular Christmas ball on the tree.
Alas, it is not—and there’s no good reason why snails should adorn a spruce. Even if you make the argument that they live in the same climate zone as pine trees, this shelled creature doesn’t make sense, period ($15, Etsy).
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